Make it sexy

Communication is sexy if you make it that way. It happens in all parts of a relationship. For couples, get to know each other: Find out what you like and dislike, what you have in common, what is different. Learn about each other's hopes, fears, desires, wishes, and dreams. This can be about how you grew up, who you are now, your plans for the future. Make sex part of this conversation. What do you want? What are your limits? What excites you? How fast or slow do you want to go? What role does physical/sexual intimacy have in a relationship? When do you decide to become sexually active? What do you do to make sure you are safe? Ask, talk, listen.

Sometimes, people are engaging in sexual behaviors with people they have been with for years and sometimes it's with people they've been with for hours. Either way, communication is key! Consent means asking and receiving expressed permission, so make it sexy and say it with passion (that's right, use your movie star voice):

• Do you want to have sex?
• You're kinda cute, can I kiss you?
• Can I kiss you here? What about here?
• I love you, so let's keep our clothes on tonight.
• Can I give you oral pleasure?
• Are we moving at an okay speed?
• Do you like it when I touch you here?
• I respect you, so I want to know the pace you want.
• I believe that we could reach a state of mutual Nirvana if we engaged in sexual intercourse now. Would you like this?
• Is this okay with you?
• I really like you and want this to last, so let's take it slow.
• Can you touch me over here?
• Can I take your shirt off?
• This isn't the right place or time, so let's wait.
• I love you and want to have sex with you. What do you want?
• It makes me hot when you touch me here, can you do that?
• Is it okay if I take my pants off?
• What do you want me to do to you?
• Do you like sex toys? Do you want to play with them now?
• I want to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you. But let's leave it there.

Sometimes, people think they mean one thing when they are saying something else. Here's some examples that are not consent for sexual activity even though some people mistakenly think they are:

• Do you want to go back to my room? (consent only to go back to the room)
• Should we get it on? (unclear what degree of sexual activity this refers to)
• Do you want to keep dancing in my room? (ambiguous intent)
• Do you want to get busy? (confusing – different ideas of what “busy” means)
• Do you want to go to my place to watch a movie? (consent only to watch a movie)